his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize