Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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