i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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