Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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