sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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