the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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