You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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