Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize