those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize