Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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