On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize