Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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