my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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