last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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