Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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