I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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