My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize