Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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