Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize