my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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