There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize