First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize