Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize