The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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