When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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