I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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