ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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