I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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