I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize