did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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