good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
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Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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