I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
