So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize