Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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