Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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I have so many feelings about this burrito
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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