a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize