sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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