I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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