She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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