Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
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Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
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I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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