please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize