I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize