I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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