Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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