My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Girls should come with a carfax report
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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