the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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