When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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