Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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