You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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