Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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